Something you do not want to feel

It has been 13 days. And I am still struggling emotionally and mentally. Questions are still unanswered. I want ask you why? Why you always do this. Why did you just quit as easy as that. Why did you drop me AGAIN so easily. Did you really loved me? Did you ever care for me? Obviously the answer to all this questions are big NO. There are really things in your mind that is hard to understand. You never see those sacrifices I made just for you. I fought for what i know is right just to protect you. But at the end of the day, and the most painful part is you DROP me at the middle of the war. It will take me a long time  or even a life time  to understand for sure. 5years ago when we have settled down, all i thought you already had consider me as part of your life, i thought you had consider me as your partner, as your family. But it seems i am always competing with them with your time. Then I realized, Whatever i do, I will never make you happy. You never consider me s your partner. As your husband as it should be. You make decisions on your own. You always ignore my feelings. I got fed up.  I got tired. Everyday every moment. There is a pain in my heart. You will never know and you will never understand because you never care. All that matter to you are your family and your relatives. No more no less. I am in so much pain. This is something I don’t want other people specially my closest friends and you to feel. Because it is really hard. I even wake up in the middle crying. I am really trying my very best to forget. But it is not easy. You will never know, because the only thing you know about me is that I am an ASSHOLE who ruined your life and harass you. Someone you wish for so many times to just disappear in your life. 

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Acceptance

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13 Signs You’re Officially Over Your Ex

1. They no longer dominate your thoughts. Remember what it was like in the beginning? You couldn’t experience anything without a memory of ex coming in and hijacking it. Anything could trigger it: walking down an old block, looking at a sidewalk, hearing a certain song. It could be something meaningful or it could be something as arbitrary as a cloudy sky. It didn’t matter. They still held primary real estate in your brain and wouldn’t sell. Now whole entire weeks go by without them crossing your mind. Yay! You can have your mind back!

2. Running into them in public doesn’t make you want to puke all over yourself. It feels more like a subtle sting, which is totally manageable. You can do that.

3. You’re sleeping with someone else and it doesn’t feel foreign or wrong anymore. You’re not comparing bodies or techniques. It’s sex that stands on its own.

4. You start to forget things about the relationship, things you thought were important and would always hold dear. Nope. Time kills everything. Thankfully, it also heals it.

5. You don’t hate them anymore. If you still hate your ex, that means you’re still passionate about their existence and passion does not equal “over it.” Rather, you should be neutral slash respectful of them. They weren’t completely bad! They gave you orgasms and made you happy for at least a little while.

6. You’re no longer obsessively stalking their Internet presence and trying to think of ways where you can accidentally/on purpose run into them. Seriously, wasn’t that exhausting coordinating run-ins and trying to think of ways to insert your ex into the conversation so your friends would be forced to talk about them? Having a broken heart is like hiding a drug addiction! You don’t want anyone to know how badly you’re hurting so you turn to desperate measures to get your fix.

7. When your ex texts you to hang out, you can actually say no and mean it. It sounds like such a pathetic victory but it means everything.

8. Better yet, you’ve blocked their phone number.

9. You’re no longer terrified of loving someone. After a break up, love legit becomes something to fear. You wouldn’t touch it even if someone amazing was standing right in front of you. Now you’re open. You’re open to idea of loving someone else.

10. You’ve become honest about what the relationship really was and what it meant to you. After a relationship ends, you tend to either idealize it or think it was wretched. Usually though, it’s neither. It’s more nuanced than just “this was a bad relationship” or “this was a good relationship.”

11. You’ve developed a learning curve. You avoid things that will send you spiraling down memory lane. You protect yourself from the things that could hurt you. You’re not interested in making yourself feel bad anymore. These are all things you learn how to do after you’ve significantly humiliated yourself in a break up.

12. You stop keeping tabs on your ex to see who has won the “I’m over it! race. You know that keeping tabs will ensure that you finish last.

13. When you say that you’re happy for them and their new relationship, you mean it. Almost. Like, 90%.

Found this article from:http://thoughtcatalog.com/ryan-oconnell/2012/12/13-signs-youre-officially-over-your-ex/