Something you do not want to feel

It has been 13 days. And I am still struggling emotionally and mentally. Questions are still unanswered. I want ask you why? Why you always do this. Why did you just quit as easy as that. Why did you drop me AGAIN so easily. Did you really loved me? Did you ever care for me? Obviously the answer to all this questions are big NO. There are really things in your mind that is hard to understand. You never see those sacrifices I made just for you. I fought for what i know is right just to protect you. But at the end of the day, and the most painful part is you DROP me at the middle of the war. It will take me a long time  or even a life time  to understand for sure. 5years ago when we have settled down, all i thought you already had consider me as part of your life, i thought you had consider me as your partner, as your family. But it seems i am always competing with them with your time. Then I realized, Whatever i do, I will never make you happy. You never consider me s your partner. As your husband as it should be. You make decisions on your own. You always ignore my feelings. I got fed up.  I got tired. Everyday every moment. There is a pain in my heart. You will never know and you will never understand because you never care. All that matter to you are your family and your relatives. No more no less. I am in so much pain. This is something I don’t want other people specially my closest friends and you to feel. Because it is really hard. I even wake up in the middle crying. I am really trying my very best to forget. But it is not easy. You will never know, because the only thing you know about me is that I am an ASSHOLE who ruined your life and harass you. Someone you wish for so many times to just disappear in your life.